How I will be dressing for the upcoming polar vortex

For anyone who knows me, you know I love Seinfeld more than possibly anything else, except maybe myself. This is not how I will actually dress for this upcoming cold spell, but I really wish I had a big GoreTex coat like George's here. There's simply no better way to dress for the dangerously cold weather we are about to experience than a huge puffer coat that causes you to damage thousands of dollars of wine bottles with one fell swoop. However, I have my own solution to the cold that is sure to keep me just as warm and much less awkward than George.

Two summers ago, I came across the deal of a lifetime in a $1400 3/4 length shearling toggle coat from the legends over at Noah and Schott NYC for only $300 at their factory sale in SoHo. At the time, it seemed crazy to buy a 5 pound (literally, I weighed it) coat on an 85 degree day in the glorified microwave oven they call New York, but it has proven to be one of my greatest purchases of all time. Not only has my core not been cold since, but I never cease to get compliments from any and everyone I pass. My vegetarian ex-girlfriend is even jealous of the coat, regardless of the fact that at least a sheep or two was fatally harmed in its making. You just can't deny the warmth it provides when wind chills are promised to reach into the mid -60s.
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​The only downside it has is that it doesn't come up very far on the neck, leaving me exposed to bitter-cold drafts down my neck hole. That's where key item number two and my second greatest winter-weather cop comes in; the Kanye West x A.P.C. oversized ski mask. This thing is enormous, and is really more of a glorified wool hood than a mask. No matter what you think of Kanye's politics as of late (not to mention those of A.P.C., for those who are really in the know), this mask has come in really handy for the coldest of days here in windy city no. 2, Madison, WI. So if you're in Madison and you see someone trudging through the cold with only 2 inches of their body exposed, it's probably me, so come up and say hi - or don't, because I probably won't be able to hear you through my politically-questionable hood thingy.

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